Stupid, I'm serious!

How To Climb Mountains...

2011-05-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

Metaphoric, yet so true. Something that gives you the confidence to keep moving on, especially at times when you think you're fed-up and done with things! Presenting to you... 'How To Climb Mountains'- one of my favorite extracts from Paulo Coelho’s book: “Like the Flowing River – Thoughts and Reflections”.

Choose the mountain you want to climb:

Don’t be influenced by what other people say: ‘that one’s prettier’ or ‘that one looks easier’. You are going to put a lot of energy and enthusiasm into achieving your objective, and you are the only person responsible for your choice, so be quite sure about what you are doing.

Find out how to reach the mountain:

Often you can see the mountain in the distance – beautiful, interesting and full of challenges. However, when you try to reach it, what happens? It’s surrounded by roads; forests lie between you and your objective; and what seems clear on the map is far more complicated in reality. So you must try all the paths and tracks until, one day, you find yourself before the peak you intend to climb.

Learn from someone who has been there before:

However unique you may think you are, there is always someone who has had the same dream before, and who will have left signs behind that will make the climb less arduous: the best place to attach a rope, trodden paths, branches broken off to make it easier to pass. It is your climb and it is your responsibility too, but never forget that other people’s experiences are always helpful.

Dangers, seen from close to, are controllable:

When you start to climb the mountain of your dreams, pay attention to what is around you. There are, of course, precipices. There are almost imperceptible cracks. There are stones polished so smooth by rain and wind that they have become as slippery as ice. But if you know where you are putting your foot, you will see any traps and be able to avoid them.

The landscape changes, so make the most of it:

You must, naturally, always keep in mind your objective – reaching the top. However, as you climb, the view changes, and there is nothing wrong with stopping now and then to enjoy the vista. With each metre you climb, you can see a little further, so take time to discover things you have never noticed before.

Respect your body:

You will only manage to climb a mountain if you give your body the care it deserves. You have all the time that life gives you, so do not demand too much from your body. If you walk too quickly, you will grow tired and give up halfway. If you walk too slowly, night might fall and you will get lost. Enjoy the landscape, drink the cool spring water, and eat the fruit that Nature so generously offers you, but keep walking.

Respect your soul:

Don’t keep repeating, ‘I’m going to do it.’ Your soul knows this already. What it needs to do is to use this long walk in order to grow, to reach out as far as the horizon, to touch the sky. Obsession will not help you in the search for your goal, and will end up spoiling the pleasure of the climb. On the other hand, don’t keep repeating ‘It’s harder than I thought,’ because that will sap your inner strength.

Be prepared to go the extra mile:

The distance to the top of the mountain is always greater than you think. There is bound to come a moment when what seemed close is still very far away. But since you are prepared to go still further, this should not be a problem.

Be joyful when you reach the top:

Cry, clap your hands, shout out loud that you made it; let the wind (because it is always windy up there) purify your mind, cool your hot, weary feet, open your eyes, blow the dust out of your heart. What was once only a dream, a distant vision, is now part of your life. You made it, and that is good.

Make a promise:

Now that you have discovered a strength you did not even know you had, tell yourself that you will use it for the rest of your days; promise yourself, too, to discover another mountain and set off on a new adventure.

Tell your story:

Yes, tell your story. Be an example to others. Tell everyone that it’s possible, and then others will find the courage to climb their own mountains.

Hope this inspires you (more than you already are) to climb all the mountains in your life...

Aimless

2011-04-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days... the not so nice ones. When you feel like leaving everything back, and running. To where, even I don't know. But there are times when you feel like you're done. Done with the whole lot- your dreams, your ambition, your big plans in life and the like... there's so much to add to the list that it's futile to continue. And then you feel like you're left with a void, like your soul is missing. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's not. All I know is that I'm lost- completely aimless.

'Someone new' :)

2011-04-03T03:57:00.000-07:00

Don’t you think that sometimes life becomes so routine and mundane with the same things and same people day in and day out? The afore mentioned are vital to my existance, but it’s like we get accustomed to a particular pattern of living. In all of this, we often forget the joy of meeting new people.

Take yesterday for instance. A bunch of friends and I were all watching the World Cup final match at a friend’s place (India won... Yay!) when another friend’s friend came visiting. A little confusing I know, but I would ask you to focus on the friend’s friend = Mr. K... So, my friend is busy with her round of introductions, telling Mr. K about us and trying to make him remember who’s who. The poor man tries his best to recollect, only to confirm the same an hour later. As the evening progressed, we got talking. We spoke about some interesting stuff, sharing information about ourselves, general insights and the like. And that’s when it struck me how a simple conversation with a stranger could actually feel like a breath of fresh air!

India went on to create history as they won the cup that counts. In the meanwhile in my head, I was still analyzing meeting Mr. K. I attempted to brush aside the fact that all my friends in the room were aiming to play cupid and hook us up. I found the entire situation rather amusing, if I may add. They were on a mission.

Eventually, all of us landed up on the streets of Mumbai, where everyone was celebrating the most awaited victory. The taxi driver was also high on the festivities, as he charged us a bomb for a measly ride. Our dear Hyderabad-bred Mr. K almost got a cultural shock to see so many people out on the roads (boys and GIRLS, mind you) at that unearthly hour. We let him ponder over the surroundings as we continued to rejoice with the nation. All I said to him was, “Welcome to Bombay!” grinning wide from ear to ear.

After gallivanting on the streets, posing for the shutterbugs, blasting the cab speakers to the loudest possible, sitting on each others laps to fit in 6 people in one taxi and getting caught by the cops... we found our end destination in Taj Lands End, Bandra. To our utmost surprise or should I say shock, we were promptly stopped at the gate by the security guards who refused to let us go into their 24x7 coffee shop. After a lot of arguing, validating and reasoning we were allowed to go in. (I still don’t understand why they were not permitting people to enter in the first place!) This was followed by a thorough thrashing of the ‘Manager’ as we expressed our disgust at the way we were just treated and not to forget, conveniently took the opportunity to boast about the powers of the profession we are in.

When we were finally led into the coffee shop, they took hours to serve us. So Mr. K and myself set up a little bet for ourselves. He had to approach this unknown foreigner who had just come into the place and get me the Indian flag he had with him. And if he succeeded I had to drink a few drops of their fountain water at the lobby (it doesn’t sound even a fraction of how bad it actually was). Needless to say, we both triumphed at our respective tasks and as an afterthought, laughed over it all as well.

Our ‘fun outing’ came to an end at 6 in the morning... As I said my polite, "It was nice meeting you, stay in touch,"... He responded, "I'd love to stay in touch, but I'd need your phone number for that!" (smartypants) So after doing the needful, Mr. K headed to the airport to catch a flight to Bangalore and I took a cab back home. As my head hit the pillow all set to slip into a deep slumber, I couldn’t help but grin... beam at the sweet fortune of my transitory rendezvous with Mr. K... Momentary though it may have been, I found myself smiling at the thought of meeting ‘someone new’.

The one-liner mood

2011-03-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

So let the randomness unfold...

• Once more a person around me misinterprets the profession of Public Relations... I will personally take classes for them on the subject.

• The season of crushes is here to stay... *Sigh*

• Kellogg’s Chocos now with Wholegrain. It’s been on my mind all day. Maybe I should actually start eating wholegrain food and think about being healthy. These signs from God, I tell you!

• Pursuing something I know is probably futile and may backfire. Am I fighting a lost battle?

• To have people talk well about you to others long after you’ve moved on is more precious than any award, degree or certificate. Thank you Xavier Institute of Communications, for all the respect :)

• I wanted to be just like the character Linda from Captain Planet in my childhood. I wonder what happened to that ambition.

• I’m actually giving career advice to budding PR professionals... Wow! (I feel old)

• Out of the 7 deadly sins of wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony: I am.... Hmmm interesting!

• Slowly, but surely I’m beginning to do things I never thought I would. May the process of self-exploration continue... I’m lovin’ it!

• To be or not to be is the question... Will I ever learn how to not cross the line?

I need you to keep me going

2011-03-30T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hello there... It’s been a while since I’ve penned my thoughts down. Work has kept me pretty tied-up. Plus I didn’t really have a significant story to tell. Not that I have one now. Though there have been some things on my mind lately... and like always, I find solace in my writing.

I often wonder where my dreams will take me. I have just begun the journey, and yet it feels like I’m already leaving so many things behind- home, hobbies, holidays, health, and more importantly- family. There are times that I want to put it all aside and crawl back into my cocoon. It’s far from compromise, for I am doing what I’ve always wanted to. I am aware of my goals and I work very hard towards achieving them. By the grace of God, most of them come close to being fulfilled. Reason to be happy, I know.

However, in the entire colourful landscape, there seems like a small void is creeping in. The past few years of proving myself and being on top of things has probably made me neglect other aspects of life. It’s not a case of being stuck in the rut for sure; I do find different ways of doing the same things. So I trick boredom into staying miles away from me. I also find ways to motivate myself professionally and grow, wherein I’m sure I’ll do alright. Work is priority right now... and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

Though, there probably is a lack of someone special- a companion, a confidante, a commitment. Someone to call every night, someone to be worried about and take care of, someone who would keep me at the centre of their attention, someone to build memories with, someone to love back. Don’t ask me where these thoughts come from, for even I don’t quite know.

Ironic are the ways of life. It’s like a conflict with myself. Where one part of me says I’m right on track- going solo and living it up, whereas the other makes me feel like time is slipping away and so are my chances of finidng a soul mate I can spend my life with. I’m not quite sure of what’s tugging at my heart strings and who I’m looking for. Maybe he’s to make an entry soon, maybe he’s right here around me at present, and maybe he’s always been one of my closest friends.

Whoever you are- I need you to keep me going.

The day I “fell” for Genesis Burson-Marsteller!

2010-03-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

The Xavier Institute of Communications was busy with its everyday activities as usual; classes, assignments, tests, a packed timetable and the usual peripheral activities. We were all lost in our own respective little worlds when reality dawned upon us- The Public Relations & Corporate Communication batch placement phase was soon to start.

The course coordinator was at his diplomatic best trying to rope in the top PR agencies to recruit and take in all 53 of his ‘lovely and bright’ students- they were, after all, “the future of the PR industry”. Administration and staff was at its peak of efficiency; all e-mails on time, no phone calls missed and timely company allotments. Faculty members were trying to be as supportive as they could, guiding and advising. The campus suddenly went abuzz like never before with contemplation, speculation, apprehension. Everyone had just one thing on their minds- I need to get that job!!!

As each one of us tried deciding on what we want to do, which company we would like to join, which domains we wished to work in, which clients excited us, almost to the extent of mapping our entire careers as though all the agencies had a red carpet rolled out for us! Our class being our class, me included, had a zillion questions doing cart wheels in the brain. They fluttered over our heads like mosquitoes do in the dark, round and round in circles, with no purpose whatsoever! We had a few classics as well... “Oh God, what do I do, I just can’t decide yaaaa... should I sit for Perfect or no? Are you sure Hanmer is coming only for internships, are they coming at all???” As one ended his/her dilemma about this near life and death situation, the other one started as if the sky was going to collapse any moment, “Listen... I heard CMCG wants only 3 people. It’s true or what, oh my God, how will I ever make it man??? ”, “No I don’t think I’m sitting for BL, it has only IT clients and apparently they’re not paying very well, you know!” blah blah blah...

The week finally arrived. Everyone’s hitherto neatly folded formals with the naphthalene balls were all out in full grandeur, or the newly bought clothes were in full display. A smile on the face, laden with a line of nervousness, yet laced with a streak of confidence, armed with files, folders, certificates and resumes, we were ready; ready to take the challenge, ready to overcome and ready to conquer.

My phone chain messages were on in full swing... “The ENTIRE class has to be there for the presentation tomorrow. Rajeev Sir’s strict orders. Attendance will be taken.” Websites were researched in the computer labs and discussions went on in the canteen over chai. People religiously asked me every day, “So, you’re sitting for any of the companies today?” And my answer would be the same throughout, “Errr... no.” I was elated as my friends and classmates got their jobs one by one. ‘All the best’ & ‘Congratulations’ were the favourites of the season. I was sooooooooo happy for everyone, and at the same time I was freaked out. As companies came and went, day in and day out, I waited, waited and then waited a little more. What was I doing, what was I thinking, I let go of 6 companies! Damn it, why did Genesis Burson-Marsteller have to come right towards the end?

But I managed to hang in there, show some courage and not have a nervous breakdown. D day was here. After my CR work that day, it finally struck me, “Ok, this is it!” We patiently sat through the presentation, we asked our questions and everything was done with. I realized I had to say something important to Rajeev Sir. I got up to do so and............................. flat! Before I knew it, I had blacked out and fallen. I could see stars, was too weak to get up on my own and my heels added to the drama. And then, I fell again, and again. After my entertaining act, people finally realized that they needed to attend to me! The rigmarole was driving me mad, not to add making me dizzier. Soon everyone crowded around me, helped me up on my feet, made me swallow chocolate and sour punk, stripped me off my jacket, massaged my back, and brushed my hair. And I thought to myself, wow, after waiting all this while, I make an utter fool of myself right in front of the people whose hands my career is in! However, I politely composed myself and with a subtle smile I said, “I’m perfectly fine ma’am. I shall see you in the interview room.” Tamasha khatam.

The rest of the evening was spent in mixed emotions-relief, happiness, anxiety and what not. Finally, the results were out, and I was in! What an adrenalin rush. All of a sudden, nothing else mattered. The wait, the fall, the tension-it all seemed so small and trivial. I had made it and I was ecstatic. Congratulatory hugs, calls and messages followed. I was happy, but what next? I didn’t want to go home at 6 in the evening, that too when I had just earned myself a career launching job.

I guess God had his own celebrations planned for me. I can almost envision the omnipresent up there in the heavens looking down at me with an evil grin and saying, “Who said the adventure was over darling, let the night unfold...”

So what happened? I got lost. Surprised? Don’t be.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The road ahead, with a nostalgic twist

2010-02-12T04:57:00.000-08:00

Hello my dearest readers,

Hope you all are doing great...

Yes, I’m back. And that too with a completely new look for my blog! :-)

(By the way, I’d really like opinions on how this template looks. So, write in people.)

The word ‘new’ brings me to the new chapter in my life, the roller-coaster ride that I’m to commence very soon. I’m almost done with the course at XIC and it’s time to start working now. Wow, it seemed like only yesterday that I was this small little girl in school with all her unrealistic dreams bunched up in one corner of her head. Suddenly, I feel all mature. Not that I wasn’t earlier. But daddy’s little girl is finally going to earn her first work paycheque in less than a month. And it’s a journey that I’m ready to take, no matter how many ever ups and downs it brings along with it. A fortnight of placements and I shall have my dream job. *fingers crossed* Pray for me.

It’s been close to a year in Mumbai now, and I have no regrets (Except probably the Shiv Sena and MNS), a beautiful family to be with, a great house to live in, an amazing college to be in and the most awesome friends ever! Naana, naani, Priyamasi, Faridmasa, Azaan, Amaan, Sonali Walia, Swati Drolia, Priyam Duttroy and Anshul Raj; (Mummy, Daddy and Venky for being with me inspite of not being here) you are my world in Mumbai and I cannot thank you enough for being there with me throughout.

The entire XIC, my PR batch mates, Rajeev sir, Niharika ma’am, faculty, friends, and acquaintances have been a constant support, motivating me to work harder and to make a success story of my life here. They’ve provoked me to think deeper, be emotionally stronger, work smarter, personified fun and happiness, spread smiles, created special memories and helped prepare me for the upcoming expedition.

Looking back, there have been various instances related to the people around me, my college, and the city of Bombay which make me rather nostalgic.

The midnight escapades that we (the trio) suddenly decide to have, that too at the most expensive places if I may add where I end up running the highest bill amongst the lot for reasons still unknown to me :-O, the madness in the middle of the Mumbai streets, the never-ending nights and the early sunrise mornings, they’re all divine. It’s at these times that I feel like the all of Bombay/Mumbai belongs only to me.

I have my own little connection with the Western Railways. And with pride I say that it has never disappointed me till date. It religiously comes to my service everyday, always gives me space to travel comfortably, and it gives me the time to think. It sometimes feels so peaceful to be in the train by the window as the wind softly caresses you and you find yourself lost in a world of your own.

College classes, the canteen, the foyer, the comp lab, the student’s lounge, the basketball court, Bling, ITC Grand Central, Marine Drive, the Army Auditorium, Bandra Bandstand, Kala Ghoda, from jalebi to Gelato, I’m going to miss it all!

Be it the long conversations, breaking our head over assignments, moving our leg to the beat, chilling and hanging out, acting absolutely insane, making crazy plans, getting worried over our work and placements or mulling over the future- Sonali (thanks for being so full of life and making me laugh at absolutely anything with your stupid jokes, trying to solve all my problems just to see me happy, encouraging me to think out of the box, making the most outlandish plans and more importantly, making them happen! Ensuring that I’m in the ‘pink’ of health. You are most definitely the livewire of my life and there's no "question" about it! ;-)), Swati (thanks for being so sensible and mature, a calming factor, a great guide and advice-giver, having excellent culinary skills :-), you truly are an inspiration, in every which way!) , Priyam (thanks for bringing a smile onto my face always, bringing in crazy memories, being ever ready to do the most weird things, for being a film buff, for understanding exactly what I’m feeling and how I’m trying to convey it in words, for having faith, belief and confidence in me even at times when I myself don't, and constantly reminding me that being Karishma is a pretty cool thing after all!), Mr. Anshul Raj (thanks for being so good at your work especially the creative aspects, for being a part of all the randomness, for being my ‘mother India’, for letting me bully you, for taking my mood swings, for having your girl fan following, for tolerating my unrealistic demands and wishes, for being a patient listener, for being a complete idiot and the dorkiest boy in my life, for being my supposed/rumoured/alleged love affair in XIC), you’ll rock! And needless to say I love you all very much.

As I look into the prospective months and years, I do see my life facing changes and more importantly myself growing and progressing as a person. I do see myself working hard at something I really want. I do see the people I love close to me, I do see an alteration in my ideologies, thoughts, activities and lifestyle, I do see the comfort, I do see the compromise, and most of all I do see the challenges, I do see, the road ahead...

Snippets

2009-08-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

Hey there all you lovely people,

Owing to the government’s order regarding the Swine Flu situation, my ‘ever-so-generous’ college (I still love you XIC) finally had some pity on us and decided to give us 5 days off… Therefore, I decided to finish my assignments and write… Not that I have any burning issue to talk about, but yes, my random thoughts floating here and there as always… So here goes…

I saw Kaminey today. Needless to say, as an after effect I’m still drooling over Shahid, yes the BOTH of them! ;) I liked the movie; it’s full on Dhannnn taaa nannnnnnnn!

Pardon me for coming back to the two words that have been all over the papers lately and of which you must be sick and tired of by now, Swine Flu. But its magnanimity has seriously left me dumb-founded, probably because it’s closely associated with one of my favorite cities, Pune. Travelling by the Mumbai local trains and walking on the streets, seeing everyone equipped with their masks, handkerchiefs, shawls, stoles or any piece of cloth for that matter and laden with an intense sense of fear which is very evident in their eyes. It scares me.

I miss Manipal. I really do.

Nose rings. Wear it ONLY if it suits you dahlings’! Now, now, you don’t want to look like a walking-talking fashion disaster, do you? :P

Public Relations & Corporate Communication. Phew!

I want to be dedicated to dedication, sincere to sincerity and committed to commitment.

The ways of Mother Nature are simply beautiful. Subtle and strong, all at the same time. There are some forces in life you don’t dare to mess with.

I’ve always wondered why the city of Mumbai is what it is. And you know what, each passing day in this place makes me marvel at this thought even more…

I thank all my class/batch mates throughout school, junior college, graduation and post-graduation. You have acted as a catalyst in making me work harder, think smarter and try to give everything I do nothing less than a 100%.

I will lose weight and I will get fitter. Don’t ask me when. I WILL.

A long-distance relationship is not that bad a concept after all. :) It’s like that approach-avoidance conflict we learnt in our Psychology lectures. Where the same thing, comes with its positives and negatives both.

Xavier Institute of Communications, Mumbai is taking me closer to realizing my dreams. From MIC to XIC, after being ‘inspired by life’, I am finally in a place ‘where potential becomes achievement’! ;)

Till next time, lots of love xoxo

Realising me...

2009-02-19T11:17:00.000-08:00

Here I am again. You know, I always thought that I'd be a regular writer and all, but I seem to get back to this little white canvas of mine only when something really substantial triggers that emotional part in my head. I often wonder why I put all my feelings in the form of words, especially when most of the times I can't really explain everything that I want to say and there's forever this question of whether anyone's even reading what I write. That's when I realised that writing to me is like therapy. I require to write more than to be read. I need my standard dose of it to remain sane.

A few hours back I was sitting and contemplating about certain things in life. About why I was feeling the way I did about those things. And even worse, cursing the living daylights out of myself for being one of those people who can't overcome the past that easily. Thinking about things troubling me now and how helpless they make me feel sometimes that I need to actually cry to get all the frustration out of me. Wondering how some people can be so fake and double-sided that you start doubting your ability to judge people altogether. For something to hurt so much that you eventually get immune to it.

Yes, there generally is a reason to every rational outburst, be it of pain, anger or futility. And mine has one too. There are so many incidents that you come across everyday, those so called 'signs' that tell you what's right and what's wrong. Well I experienced one of those kind today and boy did it get me thinking! Like I said before I really hate myself for being one of those 'sensitive-emotional-mushy' people. I mean really, what's the point? People just walk all over you. Just like that.

For starters, I don't need to go out of my way to talk to people I really don't want to talk to. I don't have to show that I respect certain people when I don't, especially friends. Friendship is not the license to screw someone's life so badly that it forever lasts in their book of 'bad memories'. One person's 'confusion' and juvenile attitude cannot and should not keep two other people from being together. No one has the right to steal someone's happiness away just because they don't know what they want.

I'm more mature today than I was 3 years ago, and I can't believe I let myself go through whatever I did in the past few years just because of close friendships and just because I was the nice one with all the patience in the world. I'm done with kidding myself about things that I shouldn't have. I'm done with being okay with things I'm not really okay with. I guess at 20, I've realised what I want, and who I am. At 20, I have realised me.

Once upon a time...

2008-11-10T11:20:00.001-08:00

(Disclaimer: This blogpost does not refer to anyone in particular. Thus kindly read and treat it as it is meant to be-a hypothetical situation. Thank you.)

I remember back in school we had this concept of "best friends"... Remember where everyone had this one friend who would be more special than the others... Where you two shared everything... Well almost everything... The secrets, the laughing, the homework, the classes and oh yes.. the fights! But that world was so fairy tale-like, where you fought one second and made up the next. Nothing else counted, all that mattered was that your friend was right beside you. Irrespective of all the ups and downs you two shared with each other, against the big bad world you two were like inseparable... That was then...

I often find myself pondering over various aspects of friendship at this stage of life... Is the previously prevalent innocence tucked under somewhere never to be found again... Do they only come to you when they need you... Will they truly stand by you when you need them the most down years into your friendship... Will they actually tell you what's wrong if there is a problem or just tell someone else how unruly you were being instead... Are you answerable to each other when the dimensions of your relationship change or then maybe the entire essence in itself is lost... Is it justified to feel hurt when a third person eventually comes into the picture and completely changes the relationship you had with a person...

It's true that the past must not be continuously mulled over, especially the so-called "bad" things or events or people that have happened to you in the past, but in the zest of living in the present is it that easy to forget the kind of friendship that you once shared, is it that convenient to cut-off from friends, is it possible to give up on friendships and most importantly compromise on emotions... Where are the moments of utter fun and madness spent together? Where are the experiences where you have always been there for each other to wipe the tears? Where are the late night-early morning conversations that included everything right from gossip to philosophical talks? Where are the times when you've been dead tired and always listened to what your friend had to say not just becuase it made sense to you but because it was important to her? Where are the times when you've done something for your friend not because you wanted to, but because she needed someone and would not settle for anyone else but you? Where are the lawns full of green grass? Where are those sun-rises and sun-sets? Where are all the chocolates and letters? What is it when along with places, persons change? Then where do all the memories go?

Yes, we are not in school. We cannot hold onto our relationships long after they cease to exist. We cannot go on kidding ourselves. Like one of my contemporaries said today, "I think the first stage in any process is acceptance". Though he spoke about it in a different context altogether, I could not find a better application to it in my life at the moment. So acceptance it is. It is difficult, very infact. To move on not just in relationships, but friendships. To muster up the courage to let go... To have the strength to realise that maybe your role has changed... To get used to the fact that maybe you are no more that one person whom she would always turn to no matter what... To accept the reality that the belongingness that was once there may never come back... To try and not be that hurt so one can forgive and forget... To face the fact that the same friend today finds comfort in someone else's company, has someone else that lightens up her day, has someone else to depend upon at every point in time, has someone else to make her laugh till her jaws ache, has someone else to share all her secrets and dreams with, has someone else that always brings a smile to her face and has someone else to truly call a friend.

Changed-Maybe I have. Maybe things around me have. Maybe people around me have. I'm not sure what the reasons could be. Emotions can never be calculated really. I don't know what it is going to be like ahead. But I know what it is at the moment; I definitely know what it was at point of time. And I miss some of it. I really do.

In a fickle-minded state it is quite simple to point fingers. After all this though, there probably is no one to blame. Who does one hold responsible when each relationship wants to chose its own path. When in its conquest to look for a new element, one unconsciously leaves behind the old instead of carrying it along... No one. And eventually you find yourself saying... Once upon a time...

I think... (Part II)

2008-11-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

That it really is very amusing how successful investments show through shining diamond rings and latest cars.
Every relationship must do a 'take 2'. No less, no more.
The thought of Post Graduation and Jobs can be more mentally exhausting than deciding how to fit both, the chic dress and that gorgeous pair of stilletos, in your budget. ;-)
Candles can calm better than the colour green or blue for that matter.
Relationships could mean compromise in certain areas, sometimes. But compromise is not all that bad.
Animation is fun. Only when you get it right though. Otherwise fun turns into frustration!
Chat tastes yummy only on the street-sides.
My money issues are getting graver with each passing day.. :-(
I'm in love with bling! :-)
I should follow my gut instincts and do what I feel is right. Afterall opportunities don't knock at your door everyday right?

Et comme je l'ai essayer ...

2008-10-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

Bonjour les gens..
Le français étant un préféré j'ai cru que j'écrirais mon poste de blog suivant dans la langue.. J'ai envie de rire et crier en même temps.. Je manque à la maison.. Je sais que je manquerai cet endroit (Manipal) quand tout est fini.. Il y a trop en une fois.. Chaque jour me laisse égoutté dehors.. Je perds un très bon ami.. Et je ne sais pas qui est responsable.. Les gens qui m'ont fait rire sont partis.. Il y a des choses de quantité astronomique parcourant ma tête.. Et ils luttent pour la préférence, pour la compréhension, pour l'amour, pour l'amitié, pour les souvenirs.. Des moments certains trouvent une façon de renvoyer le passé dans ma vie.. Et il fait mal à .. très mal.. Le soleil semble avoir arrêté de me crier.. L'innocence est morte.. Le sourire s'est éteint.. Les fleurs se sont flétries.. La paix a disparu.. Les rêves doux semblent avoir évité du sommeil.. Les lumières ont baissé et une chandelle d'espoir vacille aussi .. Je dois m'habituer pour changer.. Je dois guérir.. Et j'attends..

Again

2008-10-01T13:04:00.001-07:00

If when you wake up in the morning,
And the hurting is so great,
You don't want to get out of bed,
And face a world of hate.

If everything in life goes wrong,
And nothing you do seems right,
You just try a little harder,
And soon you'll see the light.

For every person who has put you down,
And filled your life with pain,
You must strive to achieve greatness,
And show them you can win.

For every disappointment,
For the times you are let down,
There will be a better moment,
And your life will turn around.

Because everyone feels heartache,
And everyone feels pain,
But only those who have courage,
Can get up and try again.

At peace with myself.

2008-09-25T03:53:00.000-07:00

The last month has been quite a ride. It feels like I have experienced a wide spectrum of emotions in just a matter of days. Maybe I have.

I've been slogging over presentations, assignments and tests. I've been running around everywhere trying to get things done. I've been making new friendships, breaking some. I've been hoping to chose between a post-graduate degree and a job. And most of all, I've been getting high on life.

Somewhere inside me I felt a conflict. Like it was me against myself. I don't know whether to blame it on the fact that my attitude towards things was changing, or that I was finding a balance in relationships. Oh I'm still very much the same, but yet somewhere I see myself change.

My friends have often warned me of being transparent. My reactions to most situations today have become just a silent tear. I am looking for my lost self somewhere; where, I'm not too sure. Or maybe I'm just at the onset of a self-rediscovery.

I have found answers, yes that's true. Finally, it's not just a case of only questions. Some make me happy and some sad. And to a certain extent that has helped me know myself better or what I want from people and things.

I love my work. And I love the people close to me. They are after all the supportive force that keep me going. I have learnt the art of tackling the various roles of my personality and am managing to live upto each one of them.

This concept of duality (my being a Gemini does not count in here), if I may call it so, frequently baffles me. In each moment I smile, struggle, ask, appeal, nullify, negotiate, rant, retaliate. But then again, in each moment, I am at peace with myself.

Life moves on... And with it, so do I.

Ignorance is bliss...

2008-09-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

So I thought, untill now..

It's been long since I've written.. The reason being I was doing a lot of reading.. Everyone's blogs especially.. You've had a tiring day and just want to de-stress online, read quality stuff with meaning to it.. So you try and catch up on what people have to say.. But what do you get.. Hate blog posts.. It's a new trend I guess.. I'm really tempted to try it out..

I guess my silence in some situations is often taken to be my weakness.. I was brought up in a manner which taught me to be nice to people.. But some 'intellectuals' around me don't seem to function that way.. I think it's time they're told that two can play at the same game..

Isn' it surprising how people talk about others so carelessly and sometimes fail to realise that they themselves are like that.. Especially in Manipal.. I mean.. I know certain people who write about being relieved and happy that they do not have to live in a world of pretence friendship any more and then talk about how they have lost friends in 'social gatherings' as some term it on the other hand.. (And they call others fake!).. I really wonder how these people will ever maintain relationships with anyone at all in their entire lifetime.. Such people tend to garner so much hatred from those around them that they would probably keep swinging between people and relationships all their lives for namesake, and not truly belong to anyone.. Sad, really sad.

Some people talk about how others don't have an identity of their own and are recognised by people they are associated with.. It's kind of true you know.. I know of some people like that.. Some who are known just cause of their excessively workaholic boyfriends, but believe that they are probably God's gift to mankind themselves.. Who are capable of outrightly lying but making it sound so innocent (I'm really amazed at how information supposedly taken for a personal blog can turn up being a news story the next day! :P).. Oooooffff.. What to do? I just can't understand these breed of people.. And maybe at this point I should even stop trying..

Let the dogs, or rather the bitches go on barking, let them continue venting out their frustration through their immature rants (I thought that blogs could really be used for so many more productive things really.. Nevermind..)

P.S.: Thought I'd write a longer blog post as usual, but just realised mid-way that why am I stooping down to such a low level.. Let them blabber and blabber to their hearts' content.. Maybe when they stop and take notice that no one's really bothered about them(Work relationships are the only kind known to them after all), will they cease to over exercise that gab of theirs and stick to minding their own business.. ;)

Have a great day people!! Muah!!! :)

Thy name is woman...

2008-07-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction.
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse,
She'll break open his head and then be his nurse.
But when he's well and can get out of bed,
She'll pick up the teapot and aim for his head.

Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind,
Crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind.
She'll call him a king, then make him a clown,
Raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down.

She'll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man,
Or make him her lackey to carry her fan.
She'll run away from him and never come back,
But if he runs away, then she'll be on his tracks.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

I think...

2008-06-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

* Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor make the cutest Bollywood couple.
* Local trains are a boon to the commuters of Bombay city.
* I'm really lucky to have a relative just 10 minutes away from my place of work.
* Black is beautiful and will never go out of fashion.
* Flirting is good for health.
* Television is where I want to be. Or then maybe Corporate Communication. Let's see.
* Planning weekend escapades with your boyfriend is great fun.
* Kids can make me smile. Anytime, anywhere.
* Rains genuinely are very romantic.
* Flan is better than mousse, souffle or cheese-cake.
* 'Star' is my favourite shape.
* Chocolate massages must come complimentary with every gym membership.
* My i-pod is pretty important to me afterall.
* Family comes first. Always. This one I'm sure of.
* God is great. And he is miraculously forever with you. Just look a little harder.

Weaving dreams...

2008-06-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

After all those horrid website making sessions that I went through using Dreamweaver, I realised the only part that I liked about the whole thing was the name of the software.. DREAMWEAVER! I like it.. Nice name.. :-)

I love weaving dreams in real life too.. Sounds a little paradoxical no.. I know.. I mean it may really not make sense to the others.. Why would they actually be bothered about what makes me happy or when I think I have achieved something... It's good if they do, but it's not a neccesity, you know what I mean?

Meeting my all time heartthrob Rahul Dravid, being in the profession I chose to be in, dating someone who I've patiently waited for, interning where I've always wanted to.. I so love it! But this is only the optimistic side of it.. Following the two-sided coin, there's always the other end full of trying, crying, slogging, waiting, calling, convincing, believing and basically keeping the faith, without which nothing you ever truly want will come to you..

Just to elaborate on one of them.. It may be like a fascination similar to that of a kid in a candy shop, being all awe-struck and overwhelmed by what you have right now.. It does seem very daily soapish and serial like.. But what to do.. Ever since I've held that TV remote and sat watching the ever popular 'K' serials, I've always wondered what it would be like to be a part of that world.. What's it like to put on tonnes of make-up, wear garish and gaudy costumes, don sparkling and shining jewellery, all the special editing effects, memorising lines and dubbing for them, who writes these deadly dialogues, scripts the scenes and makes drama, make that melodrama, a part of everyones life..

And there's no thrill like seeing all of it happening right in front of your eyes.. Where every question you ever had would be answered just by keen observation or a little noseiness and high curiosity levels and bugging your Creative Head a bit.. It's a roller- coaster ride and I'm loving it to the fullest.. It's tough, but it's so worth it!

As usual, life will go on, but it's these rare 'sweet n spice' moments in life, that'll always chart your course..! So unless and untill I find the right elements and proportions to weave my next dream.. Sayonara! :-)

What's the QUESTION?

2008-04-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been awe-struck? By quality, charm or precision?

Do you call fortune the optimist's belief or the pessimist's luck?

Have you been part of something larger than life that makes you feel worthwhile and gives you immense satisfaction?

Twisted illusion or harsh reality? Immortality or eternity?

Does work make you happy? Or you'd like to just get done with it?

Pizza Hut, Manish Malhotra and The Hyatt or food, clothing and shelter?

Have you ever kissed the sunshine and ridden the wave both at once?

Do you belong to the section that lives to party or the category that takes work so seriously that they'd probably have a nervous breakdown by the age of 21?

Is it that beautiful flower or the colourful butterfly that distracts you?

Do you just do something because you can, you have to or you want to?

Prisms, crystals and diamonds or alkali, test tubes and chemical formulae?

Chrome yellow, cherry red, sea green or aqua blue?

Pencils, erasers and crayons or Adobe photoshop, Quark express and Dreamweaver?

Mahatma Gandhi, Shaheed Bhagat Singh and Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj or Barkha Dutt, Chetan Bhagat, Mom and Dad?

Goa, rave and madness or blogs, wikis and conventions?

And last but not the least... (Thanks to my dearest friends)
What's your name Mansi and do you count sheep in your sleep Jo? :-)

Wondering why I've posted this piece and you're reading it too? Keep thinking...

Have you ever thought about an oyster? What comes to your mind? Sea, pearl, shell?

2008-03-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

There was once an oyster whose story I tell,

Who found that some sand had got into it's shell.

It was only a grain but it gave him great pain,

For oysters have feelings although they're so plain.

Now, did he berate the harsh workings of fate,

That had brought him to such a deplorable state?

Did he curse at the government, cry for election,

And claim that the sea should have given him protection?

No- he said to himself as he lay on a shell,

Since I cannot remove it, I shall try and improve it.

Now the years have rolled around, as the years always do,

And he comes to his ultimate, destiny-stew.

And the small grain of sand that had bothered him so,

Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral; for isn't it grand,

What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?

What couldn't we do if we'd only begin,

With some of the things that get under our skin.

Hmmm... We all need that little boost at regular intervals to get back on track, don't we? To be reminded at times that you are completely capable of doing things... That you'll do just fine in life... That you're free to be what you want to be.. That you're beautiful...

I've been reading... Quite a lot actually... And the spectrum is so wide, that it leaves me pretty amazed and not to forget, perplexed...So many thoughts, so many opinions, my God! And people brimming with soooo much talent and creativity that you wonder what you're even doing amongst them...

Those are my 'chocolate moments' you know... When I'm just too stressed, worked up, tensed, angry, irritated... You get the mood I'm talking about right... Chocolate induces happiness they say... And I am an extremely loyal believer of it... Cause it always manages to get back that smile on my face... But then it's not any chocolate you know... I absolutely love the usual Twix, Mars, Bounty, Five star crunchy and the original Dairy milk... :) And one that I absolutely hate to the core is Snickers... I cannot stand it, I just cannot. Period.

My likes and dislikes are an endless list really... It can just go on and on forever... So I'll basically just stop here... After the oyster and chocolate talk... Though I'm not quite sure if they make the perfect combination to talk about... :) And get back to my Economics assignment and get ready to kickass this weekend for Article 19!

Let's play Tag!!!

2008-03-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Ooof... these tag things no... people just don't get the point... no matter how irritated they are with these tag things... people still fill them and forward them... i mean i'm doing it afterall... so just imagine! Anyway, here goes...

What is one weird thing about you that nobody knows till date?
It's really weird... But do you know that I possess this penultimate super power? I can kill with my dialogues... Laden with dollops of sarcasm, apparently they are so powerful that they are capable of completely injuring peoples sensibilities and mocking at their very existence... Ya ya... I know I'm the sweetest and most innocent being among my clan... You don't have to remind me time and again... ;-)

Favourite Ice cream flavour?
Chocolate... Mmmmm... It doesn't get any more heavenly.. It just doesn't! :)

The craziest dream you had in the past one week?
Well... My capabilities of distinguishing dreams from nightmares are just like our college courier service... A little screwed up... But both are always crazy none the less... I got up one morning... I was running to school... I had my Hindi exam that day... And thanks to my sense of timing and running skills I was going to miss the exam... I ran and ran and ran... just to be woken up by that ever faithful alarm of mine... Only to realise that I was no more in school and didn't have Hindi as a subject anymore... Welcome to MIC and dealing with the Laws of Demand and Supply... :)

One embarassing thing you've done in public, which comes to your mind right now?
Hmmm... I know this sounds very very cliched... But you know I'm really not too much of an exception to this embarassment thing... I mean there have been so many that it's difficult to even count... And knowing myself, I think I have quite a few more such moments coming my way!And then it hit me...

Are you going to be attending MMSC? Why or why not?
What a question... Obviously... Try something new... Speak your mind... Expand your intellectual horizon... Learn from the experts... Be part of the practical extravaganza... Interact with those who think alike or then have something novel to say.. And last but not the least, come check out Manipal! Have the time of your life... :)

I tag Jo, Prathama, Yatharth, Sonali and Ami...

You guys are supposed to answer the same questions, and pass it on to minimun 3 other people, and tell them that they've been tagged. After you've posted your replies on your blog, you let me know through mine!

War and Peace!

2008-03-05T11:54:00.000-08:00

One more day gone, one more opinion formed. What I experienced today was something completely unexpected and came as a shock to say the least. Gone are cold wars, what took place, was an outright battle. The only difference-it was one-sided. Throughout.

Yes, the people concerned know what I'm talking about. A class of 60 odd MEDIA students, 19-20 year olds, discussing political parties, film-making etiquette, concepts of humanity and how can we forget, the all time favourite- RELIGION. (And may I stress on the fact that people not involved from the very beginning of the process also had the audacity to speak about the particular issue.) Twisted opinions, sensitive issues and individualistic ideologies. It didn't paint a very pretty picture.

I've always believed in the concept of the experienced having more knowledge. But 'learning' as I realised today, knows no age. We had 87 year olds talking about a man who was apparently 'dangerous' just because he had the guts and the courage to showcase what was actually happening in the world, and more importantly our country. No, not to create prejudice, but just to tell it as it is.

First things first, when we talk about equality and fairness in terms of a debative issue. Both sides must have some kind of representation. In this case it wasn't so. Ego clashes are not an excuse. If you have such a strong opinion, have the courage to face your enemy and fight. Why show signs of cowardness and insecurity later? We are in this institution to study, agreed. But does that mean you stunt our knowledge about reality and stagnate the very stimulation to think and then rationalise accordingly?

Education teaches you limits, morals and ethics as well as all the 'right' things drawn out in the text books. But documentaries like the ones we recently saw tell you what exactly the super learned want to hide from you. If Anand P wished he could have brain washed all the people sitting in his audience right then and there, such is the power of that man. But he didn't. Unfortunately, he was still accused of doing so, time and again, by one and the same person. All he did was screen his work, answer certain questions related to them and leave. Not corrupt young minds. And why are we so scared of portraying the truth anyway? Hasn't that always been the aim of journalism if I'm not wrong? And that too, here we are talking about a film maker who has all the rights to put forth his views and opinions in his work. But on the contrary we had an experienced journalist speak about his religious inclinations.

If you feel strongly about a certain issue, say it. But do not attack the stand taken by another individual. For at the name of being unbiased and objective you are unconsciously taking sides. Tell others what you think, but use the appropriate approach to do so. Crying foul is not the solution. At least in this situation it didn't prove to be.

One hour of talk by a respected personality did what two days of exposure to reality couldn't do-spread immense hatred. With all due respect, we do know how to treat our elders, but I also do think that we are mature enough to distinguish the right from the wrong and form our own opinions as a result of productive thinking and not plain influence. I think it is high time that 'freedom of expression' is practised in the truest term and not given the name of 'terrorism'. If you really want us to learn and be called educated, please do not edit reality to your convenience. Show it all- let us decide.

I will survive...

2008-02-24T11:00:00.000-08:00

Yup, I'm back.. Earlier than I thought actually.. But I had this someone tell me that he read my blog everyday to see if there's something new on it.. And now that was really inspiring I tell you.. What's on my mind right now? Hmm let's see..You know sometimes it's surprising how people just don't get the message.. I mean you give them all the possible hints.. But no! Talk about selective dumbness..
Anyway, I was just thinking how times change.. I know, I know, really cliched ain't it? But seriously there's still a reason as to why people introspect and retrospect so much right.. Sometimes you start liking the people you detested previously or then hating the people you actually loved once upon a time.. As for me, I seem to be an expert at this 'love-hate' thing.. When I'm absolutely disgusted about something or just totally mad at someone, I go to the extremes.. There is unfortunately, no in between.. But then that's how it used to be.. I'm talking about change remember? Life does eventually end up teaching you a lot, doesn't it? Where it's not just black or white, there's always that grey patch you most conveniently choose to ignore.. Today when I look back.. Ha ha.. Don't even get me started...
You know what, we always thought poison, blades and fire were dangerous.. Add the following to the list then.. Misunderstanding, miscommunication and misinterpretation.. they may not sound as evil in the beginning.. But I'm warning you.. These three M's can do a lot of harm.. Oh and when all three of them decide to hit you in unison, God help you!
The people who know me, know what I'm talking about.. And for the ones who don't know me, I think they'll understand it even better.. It's amazing how things seem so much better when its 'happy realisation' time and you stop taking all the crap people throw at you.. That too people who do not have any direct relevance to your life, but still love to mess up other people's lives cause of their dire need to go 'get a life'.. See what I mean? (Man, what was I thinking!) And you finally decide to be the bigger person at heart, the saner mature one and let the dogs continue barking.. I have so much to say about various situations I was involved in and the specific roles people played in the past, especially one in particular.. Haven't you often felt that songs convey all that you have to say.. At this time and point in life, it definitely holds true for me.. So here go the lyrics of the song..
This is indeed dedicated to that person who I've never shared a stable equation with, but who has nevertheless helped me grow manifold as a person, and not to forget, made me much much stronger.. No, I don't regret anything.. But people may influence you, no one tells me what to do!
I Will Survive...
At first I was afraid, I was petrified. I kept thinking I could never live, without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights, just thinking how you'd done me wrong. I grew strong, I learned how to get along.
And so you're back from outer space. I just walked in to find you here, without that look upon your face. I should have changed my lock. I would have made you leave your key if I'd have known for just one second, you'd be back to bother me.
Oh now go, walk out the door. Just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh not I.
I will survive. As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give. I will survive. I will survive.
It took all the strength I had just not to fall apart. I'm trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart. And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry. But now I hold my head up high. And you'll see me with somebody new. I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you. And so you thought you'd just drop by, and you expect me to be free. But now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me.
Oh now go, walk out the door. Just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh not I. I will survive. As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give. I will survive. I will survive.
:) Peace...

Hmmm...

2008-02-20T14:44:00.000-08:00

There... After all the procrastination... I'm finally a victim of 'blogomania'! A new pass time, a new addiction, a new means to vent my anger, a new place for my emotional outbursts, a new way of looking at things, a new platform to voice my opinion or then, a completely new thought process.. I have no idea what this is going to be.. But whatever it is... It's still me.
It took me a lot, trust me, a lot, to get started. I mean I found the entire concept so vague. Why would I in my right senses want the whole world to know how I'm feeling right now or what I'm thinking of at this very moment. But then, why not? To start with, I'm not going to write about how I mended my broken heart or my opinion on the latest political development. I have nothing against either, but neither is my inspiration or motive to start blogging. As of now, I'm just torn between choices, make that priorities. What, when, why and how? If only I knew...
It's amazing how the people you think you can actually count on end up being the ones who let you down. No, don't worry, I'm not getting negative in here. On the contrary, I feel like laughing at myself. Call it wrong judgement, disguised influence or plain stupidity, I've kind of mastered the act of fooling myself into the 'right' kind of people for me. Has the definition of trust changed these days by any chance?
Another thing, now if you know how to do this, please please please do let me know ok. Live without expectation. Impossible right? I mean isn't it human tendency that when you give something, you expect something in return? But I just realised that if I can handle this herculean task, I can probably conquer the world! Maybe being a little selfish is the only solution.
Isn't it ironic that sometimes there's absolutely nothing to do and sometimes everything at once! Actually I'm currently stuck in quite a similar situation. A little too much work, headed in opposite directions, risking friendships and relationships, trying to keep prior commitments while discovering something new, perhaps making the mistake of mixing the the personal with the professional, and oh yes, how can I forget, 'trusting' and 'expecting' a little too much... More? Maybe later..