(Disclaimer: This blogpost does not refer to anyone in particular. Thus kindly read and treat it as it is meant to be-a hypothetical situation. Thank you.)
I remember back in school we had this concept of "best friends"... Remember where everyone had this one friend who would be more special than the others... Where you two shared everything... Well almost everything... The secrets, the laughing, the homework, the classes and oh yes.. the fights! But that world was so fairy tale-like, where you fought one second and made up the next. Nothing else counted, all that mattered was that your friend was right beside you. Irrespective of all the ups and downs you two shared with each other, against the big bad world you two were like inseparable... That was then...
I often find myself pondering over various aspects of friendship at this stage of life... Is the previously prevalent innocence tucked under somewhere never to be found again... Do they only come to you when they need you... Will they truly stand by you when you need them the most down years into your friendship... Will they actually tell you what's wrong if there is a problem or just tell someone else how unruly you were being instead... Are you answerable to each other when the dimensions of your relationship change or then maybe the entire essence in itself is lost... Is it justified to feel hurt when a third person eventually comes into the picture and completely changes the relationship you had with a person...
It's true that the past must not be continuously mulled over, especially the so-called "bad" things or events or people that have happened to you in the past, but in the zest of living in the present is it that easy to forget the kind of friendship that you once shared, is it that convenient to cut-off from friends, is it possible to give up on friendships and most importantly compromise on emotions... Where are the moments of utter fun and madness spent together? Where are the experiences where you have always been there for each other to wipe the tears? Where are the late night-early morning conversations that included everything right from gossip to philosophical talks? Where are the times when you've been dead tired and always listened to what your friend had to say not just becuase it made sense to you but because it was important to her? Where are the times when you've done something for your friend not because you wanted to, but because she needed someone and would not settle for anyone else but you? Where are the lawns full of green grass? Where are those sun-rises and sun-sets? Where are all the chocolates and letters? What is it when along with places, persons change? Then where do all the memories go?
Yes, we are not in school. We cannot hold onto our relationships long after they cease to exist. We cannot go on kidding ourselves. Like one of my contemporaries said today, "I think the first stage in any process is acceptance". Though he spoke about it in a different context altogether, I could not find a better application to it in my life at the moment. So acceptance it is. It is difficult, very infact. To move on not just in relationships, but friendships. To muster up the courage to let go... To have the strength to realise that maybe your role has changed... To get used to the fact that maybe you are no more that one person whom she would always turn to no matter what... To accept the reality that the belongingness that was once there may never come back... To try and not be that hurt so one can forgive and forget... To face the fact that the same friend today finds comfort in someone else's company, has someone else that lightens up her day, has someone else to depend upon at every point in time, has someone else to make her laugh till her jaws ache, has someone else to share all her secrets and dreams with, has someone else that always brings a smile to her face and has someone else to truly call a friend.
Changed-Maybe I have. Maybe things around me have. Maybe people around me have. I'm not sure what the reasons could be. Emotions can never be calculated really. I don't know what it is going to be like ahead. But I know what it is at the moment; I definitely know what it was at point of time. And I miss some of it. I really do.
In a fickle-minded state it is quite simple to point fingers. After all this though, there probably is no one to blame. Who does one hold responsible when each relationship wants to chose its own path. When in its conquest to look for a new element, one unconsciously leaves behind the old instead of carrying it along... No one. And eventually you find yourself saying... Once upon a time...
