Once upon a time...

(Disclaimer: This blogpost does not refer to anyone in particular. Thus kindly read and treat it as it is meant to be-a hypothetical situation. Thank you.)

I remember back in school we had this concept of "best friends"... Remember where everyone had this one friend who would be more special than the others... Where you two shared everything... Well almost everything... The secrets, the laughing, the homework, the classes and oh yes.. the fights! But that world was so fairy tale-like, where you fought one second and made up the next. Nothing else counted, all that mattered was that your friend was right beside you. Irrespective of all the ups and downs you two shared with each other, against the big bad world you two were like inseparable... That was then...

I often find myself pondering over various aspects of friendship at this stage of life... Is the previously prevalent innocence tucked under somewhere never to be found again... Do they only come to you when they need you... Will they truly stand by you when you need them the most down years into your friendship... Will they actually tell you what's wrong if there is a problem or just tell someone else how unruly you were being instead... Are you answerable to each other when the dimensions of your relationship change or then maybe the entire essence in itself is lost... Is it justified to feel hurt when a third person eventually comes into the picture and completely changes the relationship you had with a person...

It's true that the past must not be continuously mulled over, especially the so-called "bad" things or events or people that have happened to you in the past, but in the zest of living in the present is it that easy to forget the kind of friendship that you once shared, is it that convenient to cut-off from friends, is it possible to give up on friendships and most importantly compromise on emotions... Where are the moments of utter fun and madness spent together? Where are the experiences where you have always been there for each other to wipe the tears? Where are the late night-early morning conversations that included everything right from gossip to philosophical talks? Where are the times when you've been dead tired and always listened to what your friend had to say not just becuase it made sense to you but because it was important to her? Where are the times when you've done something for your friend not because you wanted to, but because she needed someone and would not settle for anyone else but you? Where are the lawns full of green grass? Where are those sun-rises and sun-sets? Where are all the chocolates and letters? What is it when along with places, persons change? Then where do all the memories go?

Yes, we are not in school. We cannot hold onto our relationships long after they cease to exist. We cannot go on kidding ourselves. Like one of my contemporaries said today, "I think the first stage in any process is acceptance". Though he spoke about it in a different context altogether, I could not find a better application to it in my life at the moment. So acceptance it is. It is difficult, very infact. To move on not just in relationships, but friendships. To muster up the courage to let go... To have the strength to realise that maybe your role has changed... To get used to the fact that maybe you are no more that one person whom she would always turn to no matter what... To accept the reality that the belongingness that was once there may never come back... To try and not be that hurt so one can forgive and forget... To face the fact that the same friend today finds comfort in someone else's company, has someone else that lightens up her day, has someone else to depend upon at every point in time, has someone else to make her laugh till her jaws ache, has someone else to share all her secrets and dreams with, has someone else that always brings a smile to her face and has someone else to truly call a friend.

Changed-Maybe I have. Maybe things around me have. Maybe people around me have. I'm not sure what the reasons could be. Emotions can never be calculated really. I don't know what it is going to be like ahead. But I know what it is at the moment; I definitely know what it was at point of time. And I miss some of it. I really do.

In a fickle-minded state it is quite simple to point fingers. After all this though, there probably is no one to blame. Who does one hold responsible when each relationship wants to chose its own path. When in its conquest to look for a new element, one unconsciously leaves behind the old instead of carrying it along... No one. And eventually you find yourself saying... Once upon a time...

I think... (Part II)

• That it really is very amusing how successful investments show through shining diamond rings and latest cars.
• Every relationship must do a 'take 2'. No less, no more.
• The thought of Post Graduation and Jobs can be more mentally exhausting than deciding how to fit both, the chic dress and that gorgeous pair of stilletos, in your budget. ;-)
• Candles can calm better than the colour green or blue for that matter.
• Relationships could mean compromise in certain areas, sometimes. But compromise is not all that bad.
• Animation is fun. Only when you get it right though. Otherwise fun turns into frustration!
• Chat tastes yummy only on the street-sides.
• My money issues are getting graver with each passing day.. :-(
• I'm in love with bling! :-)
• I should follow my gut instincts and do what I feel is right. Afterall opportunities don't knock at your door everyday right?

Et comme je l'ai essayer ...

Bonjour les gens..
Le français étant un préféré j'ai cru que j'écrirais mon poste de blog suivant dans la langue.. J'ai envie de rire et crier en même temps.. Je manque à la maison.. Je sais que je manquerai cet endroit (Manipal) quand tout est fini.. Il y a trop en une fois.. Chaque jour me laisse égoutté dehors.. Je perds un très bon ami.. Et je ne sais pas qui est responsable.. Les gens qui m'ont fait rire sont partis.. Il y a des choses de quantité astronomique parcourant ma tête.. Et ils luttent pour la préférence, pour la compréhension, pour l'amour, pour l'amitié, pour les souvenirs.. Des moments certains trouvent une façon de renvoyer le passé dans ma vie.. Et il fait mal à .. très mal.. Le soleil semble avoir arrêté de me crier.. L'innocence est morte.. Le sourire s'est éteint.. Les fleurs se sont flétries.. La paix a disparu.. Les rêves doux semblent avoir évité du sommeil.. Les lumières ont baissé et une chandelle d'espoir vacille aussi .. Je dois m'habituer pour changer.. Je dois guérir.. Et j'attends..

Again

If when you wake up in the morning,
And the hurting is so great,
You don't want to get out of bed,
And face a world of hate.

If everything in life goes wrong,
And nothing you do seems right,
You just try a little harder,
And soon you'll see the light.

For every person who has put you down,
And filled your life with pain,
You must strive to achieve greatness,
And show them you can win.

For every disappointment,
For the times you are let down,
There will be a better moment,
And your life will turn around.

Because everyone feels heartache,
And everyone feels pain,
But only those who have courage,
Can get up and try again.

At peace with myself.

The last month has been quite a ride. It feels like I have experienced a wide spectrum of emotions in just a matter of days. Maybe I have.

I've been slogging over presentations, assignments and tests. I've been running around everywhere trying to get things done. I've been making new friendships, breaking some. I've been hoping to chose between a post-graduate degree and a job. And most of all, I've been getting high on life.

Somewhere inside me I felt a conflict. Like it was me against myself. I don't know whether to blame it on the fact that my attitude towards things was changing, or that I was finding a balance in relationships. Oh I'm still very much the same, but yet somewhere I see myself change.

My friends have often warned me of being transparent. My reactions to most situations today have become just a silent tear. I am looking for my lost self somewhere; where, I'm not too sure. Or maybe I'm just at the onset of a self-rediscovery.

I have found answers, yes that's true. Finally, it's not just a case of only questions. Some make me happy and some sad. And to a certain extent that has helped me know myself better or what I want from people and things.

I love my work. And I love the people close to me. They are after all the supportive force that keep me going. I have learnt the art of tackling the various roles of my personality and am managing to live upto each one of them.

This concept of duality (my being a Gemini does not count in here), if I may call it so, frequently baffles me. In each moment I smile, struggle, ask, appeal, nullify, negotiate, rant, retaliate. But then again, in each moment, I am at peace with myself.

Life moves on... And with it, so do I.

Ignorance is bliss...

So I thought, untill now..

It's been long since I've written.. The reason being I was doing a lot of reading.. Everyone's blogs especially.. You've had a tiring day and just want to de-stress online, read quality stuff with meaning to it.. So you try and catch up on what people have to say.. But what do you get.. Hate blog posts.. It's a new trend I guess.. I'm really tempted to try it out..

I guess my silence in some situations is often taken to be my weakness.. I was brought up in a manner which taught me to be nice to people.. But some 'intellectuals' around me don't seem to function that way.. I think it's time they're told that two can play at the same game..

Isn' it surprising how people talk about others so carelessly and sometimes fail to realise that they themselves are like that.. Especially in Manipal.. I mean.. I know certain people who write about being relieved and happy that they do not have to live in a world of pretence friendship any more and then talk about how they have lost friends in 'social gatherings' as some term it on the other hand.. (And they call others fake!).. I really wonder how these people will ever maintain relationships with anyone at all in their entire lifetime.. Such people tend to garner so much hatred from those around them that they would probably keep swinging between people and relationships all their lives for namesake, and not truly belong to anyone.. Sad, really sad.

Some people talk about how others don't have an identity of their own and are recognised by people they are associated with.. It's kind of true you know.. I know of some people like that.. Some who are known just cause of their excessively workaholic boyfriends, but believe that they are probably God's gift to mankind themselves.. Who are capable of outrightly lying but making it sound so innocent (I'm really amazed at how information supposedly taken for a personal blog can turn up being a news story the next day! :P).. Oooooffff.. What to do? I just can't understand these breed of people.. And maybe at this point I should even stop trying..

Let the dogs, or rather the bitches go on barking, let them continue venting out their frustration through their immature rants (I thought that blogs could really be used for so many more productive things really.. Nevermind..)

P.S.: Thought I'd write a longer blog post as usual, but just realised mid-way that why am I stooping down to such a low level.. Let them blabber and blabber to their hearts' content.. Maybe when they stop and take notice that no one's really bothered about them(Work relationships are the only kind known to them after all), will they cease to over exercise that gab of theirs and stick to minding their own business.. ;)

Have a great day people!! Muah!!! :)

Thy name is woman...

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction.
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse,
She'll break open his head and then be his nurse.
But when he's well and can get out of bed,
She'll pick up the teapot and aim for his head.

Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind,
Crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind.
She'll call him a king, then make him a clown,
Raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down.

She'll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man,
Or make him her lackey to carry her fan.
She'll run away from him and never come back,
But if he runs away, then she'll be on his tracks.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

I think...

* Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor make the cutest Bollywood couple.
* Local trains are a boon to the commuters of Bombay city.
* I'm really lucky to have a relative just 10 minutes away from my place of work.
* Black is beautiful and will never go out of fashion.
* Flirting is good for health.
* Television is where I want to be. Or then maybe Corporate Communication. Let's see.
* Planning weekend escapades with your boyfriend is great fun.
* Kids can make me smile. Anytime, anywhere.
* Rains genuinely are very romantic.
* Flan is better than mousse, souffle or cheese-cake.
* 'Star' is my favourite shape.
* Chocolate massages must come complimentary with every gym membership.
* My i-pod is pretty important to me afterall.
* Family comes first. Always. This one I'm sure of.
* God is great. And he is miraculously forever with you. Just look a little harder.

Weaving dreams...

After all those horrid website making sessions that I went through using Dreamweaver, I realised the only part that I liked about the whole thing was the name of the software.. DREAMWEAVER! I like it.. Nice name.. :-)

I love weaving dreams in real life too.. Sounds a little paradoxical no.. I know.. I mean it may really not make sense to the others.. Why would they actually be bothered about what makes me happy or when I think I have achieved something... It's good if they do, but it's not a neccesity, you know what I mean?

Meeting my all time heartthrob Rahul Dravid, being in the profession I chose to be in, dating someone who I've patiently waited for, interning where I've always wanted to.. I so love it! But this is only the optimistic side of it.. Following the two-sided coin, there's always the other end full of trying, crying, slogging, waiting, calling, convincing, believing and basically keeping the faith, without which nothing you ever truly want will come to you..

Just to elaborate on one of them.. It may be like a fascination similar to that of a kid in a candy shop, being all awe-struck and overwhelmed by what you have right now.. It does seem very daily soapish and serial like.. But what to do.. Ever since I've held that TV remote and sat watching the ever popular 'K' serials, I've always wondered what it would be like to be a part of that world.. What's it like to put on tonnes of make-up, wear garish and gaudy costumes, don sparkling and shining jewellery, all the special editing effects, memorising lines and dubbing for them, who writes these deadly dialogues, scripts the scenes and makes drama, make that melodrama, a part of everyones life..

And there's no thrill like seeing all of it happening right in front of your eyes.. Where every question you ever had would be answered just by keen observation or a little noseiness and high curiosity levels and bugging your Creative Head a bit.. It's a roller- coaster ride and I'm loving it to the fullest.. It's tough, but it's so worth it!

As usual, life will go on, but it's these rare 'sweet n spice' moments in life, that'll always chart your course..! So unless and untill I find the right elements and proportions to weave my next dream.. Sayonara! :-)

What's the QUESTION?

Have you ever been awe-struck? By quality, charm or precision?

Do you call fortune the optimist's belief or the pessimist's luck?

Have you been part of something larger than life that makes you feel worthwhile and gives you immense satisfaction?

Twisted illusion or harsh reality? Immortality or eternity?

Does work make you happy? Or you'd like to just get done with it?

Pizza Hut, Manish Malhotra and The Hyatt or food, clothing and shelter?

Have you ever kissed the sunshine and ridden the wave both at once?

Do you belong to the section that lives to party or the category that takes work so seriously that they'd probably have a nervous breakdown by the age of 21?

Is it that beautiful flower or the colourful butterfly that distracts you?

Do you just do something because you can, you have to or you want to?

Prisms, crystals and diamonds or alkali, test tubes and chemical formulae?

Chrome yellow, cherry red, sea green or aqua blue?

Pencils, erasers and crayons or Adobe photoshop, Quark express and Dreamweaver?

Mahatma Gandhi, Shaheed Bhagat Singh and Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj or Barkha Dutt, Chetan Bhagat, Mom and Dad?

Goa, rave and madness or blogs, wikis and conventions?

And last but not the least... (Thanks to my dearest friends)
What's your name Mansi and do you count sheep in your sleep Jo? :-)

Wondering why I've posted this piece and you're reading it too? Keep thinking...

Have you ever thought about an oyster? What comes to your mind? Sea, pearl, shell?

There was once an oyster whose story I tell,

Who found that some sand had got into it's shell.

It was only a grain but it gave him great pain,

For oysters have feelings although they're so plain.

Now, did he berate the harsh workings of fate,

That had brought him to such a deplorable state?

Did he curse at the government, cry for election,

And claim that the sea should have given him protection?

No- he said to himself as he lay on a shell,

Since I cannot remove it, I shall try and improve it.

Now the years have rolled around, as the years always do,

And he comes to his ultimate, destiny-stew.

And the small grain of sand that had bothered him so,

Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral; for isn't it grand,

What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?

What couldn't we do if we'd only begin,

With some of the things that get under our skin.

Hmmm... We all need that little boost at regular intervals to get back on track, don't we? To be reminded at times that you are completely capable of doing things... That you'll do just fine in life... That you're free to be what you want to be.. That you're beautiful...

I've been reading... Quite a lot actually... And the spectrum is so wide, that it leaves me pretty amazed and not to forget, perplexed...So many thoughts, so many opinions, my God! And people brimming with soooo much talent and creativity that you wonder what you're even doing amongst them...

Those are my 'chocolate moments' you know... When I'm just too stressed, worked up, tensed, angry, irritated... You get the mood I'm talking about right... Chocolate induces happiness they say... And I am an extremely loyal believer of it... Cause it always manages to get back that smile on my face... But then it's not any chocolate you know... I absolutely love the usual Twix, Mars, Bounty, Five star crunchy and the original Dairy milk... :) And one that I absolutely hate to the core is Snickers... I cannot stand it, I just cannot. Period.

My likes and dislikes are an endless list really... It can just go on and on forever... So I'll basically just stop here... After the oyster and chocolate talk... Though I'm not quite sure if they make the perfect combination to talk about... :) And get back to my Economics assignment and get ready to kickass this weekend for Article 19!

Let's play Tag!!!

Ooof... these tag things no... people just don't get the point... no matter how irritated they are with these tag things... people still fill them and forward them... i mean i'm doing it afterall... so just imagine! Anyway, here goes...

What is one weird thing about you that nobody knows till date?
It's really weird... But do you know that I possess this penultimate super power? I can kill with my dialogues... Laden with dollops of sarcasm, apparently they are so powerful that they are capable of completely injuring peoples sensibilities and mocking at their very existence... Ya ya... I know I'm the sweetest and most innocent being among my clan... You don't have to remind me time and again... ;-)

Favourite Ice cream flavour?
Chocolate... Mmmmm... It doesn't get any more heavenly.. It just doesn't! :)

The craziest dream you had in the past one week?
Well... My capabilities of distinguishing dreams from nightmares are just like our college courier service... A little screwed up... But both are always crazy none the less... I got up one morning... I was running to school... I had my Hindi exam that day... And thanks to my sense of timing and running skills I was going to miss the exam... I ran and ran and ran... just to be woken up by that ever faithful alarm of mine... Only to realise that I was no more in school and didn't have Hindi as a subject anymore... Welcome to MIC and dealing with the Laws of Demand and Supply... :)

One embarassing thing you've done in public, which comes to your mind right now?
Hmmm... I know this sounds very very cliched... But you know I'm really not too much of an exception to this embarassment thing... I mean there have been so many that it's difficult to even count... And knowing myself, I think I have quite a few more such moments coming my way!And then it hit me...

Are you going to be attending MMSC? Why or why not?
What a question... Obviously... Try something new... Speak your mind... Expand your intellectual horizon... Learn from the experts... Be part of the practical extravaganza... Interact with those who think alike or then have something novel to say.. And last but not the least, come check out Manipal! Have the time of your life... :)

I tag Jo, Prathama, Yatharth, Sonali and Ami...

You guys are supposed to answer the same questions, and pass it on to minimun 3 other people, and tell them that they've been tagged. After you've posted your replies on your blog, you let me know through mine!

War and Peace!

One more day gone, one more opinion formed. What I experienced today was something completely unexpected and came as a shock to say the least. Gone are cold wars, what took place, was an outright battle. The only difference-it was one-sided. Throughout.

Yes, the people concerned know what I'm talking about. A class of 60 odd MEDIA students, 19-20 year olds, discussing political parties, film-making etiquette, concepts of humanity and how can we forget, the all time favourite- RELIGION. (And may I stress on the fact that people not involved from the very beginning of the process also had the audacity to speak about the particular issue.) Twisted opinions, sensitive issues and individualistic ideologies. It didn't paint a very pretty picture.

I've always believed in the concept of the experienced having more knowledge. But 'learning' as I realised today, knows no age. We had 87 year olds talking about a man who was apparently 'dangerous' just because he had the guts and the courage to showcase what was actually happening in the world, and more importantly our country. No, not to create prejudice, but just to tell it as it is.

First things first, when we talk about equality and fairness in terms of a debative issue. Both sides must have some kind of representation. In this case it wasn't so. Ego clashes are not an excuse. If you have such a strong opinion, have the courage to face your enemy and fight. Why show signs of cowardness and insecurity later? We are in this institution to study, agreed. But does that mean you stunt our knowledge about reality and stagnate the very stimulation to think and then rationalise accordingly?

Education teaches you limits, morals and ethics as well as all the 'right' things drawn out in the text books. But documentaries like the ones we recently saw tell you what exactly the super learned want to hide from you. If Anand P wished he could have brain washed all the people sitting in his audience right then and there, such is the power of that man. But he didn't. Unfortunately, he was still accused of doing so, time and again, by one and the same person. All he did was screen his work, answer certain questions related to them and leave. Not corrupt young minds. And why are we so scared of portraying the truth anyway? Hasn't that always been the aim of journalism if I'm not wrong? And that too, here we are talking about a film maker who has all the rights to put forth his views and opinions in his work. But on the contrary we had an experienced journalist speak about his religious inclinations.

If you feel strongly about a certain issue, say it. But do not attack the stand taken by another individual. For at the name of being unbiased and objective you are unconsciously taking sides. Tell others what you think, but use the appropriate approach to do so. Crying foul is not the solution. At least in this situation it didn't prove to be.

One hour of talk by a respected personality did what two days of exposure to reality couldn't do-spread immense hatred. With all due respect, we do know how to treat our elders, but I also do think that we are mature enough to distinguish the right from the wrong and form our own opinions as a result of productive thinking and not plain influence. I think it is high time that 'freedom of expression' is practised in the truest term and not given the name of 'terrorism'. If you really want us to learn and be called educated, please do not edit reality to your convenience. Show it all- let us decide.

I will survive...

Yup, I'm back.. Earlier than I thought actually.. But I had this someone tell me that he read my blog everyday to see if there's something new on it.. And now that was really inspiring I tell you.. What's on my mind right now? Hmm let's see..You know sometimes it's surprising how people just don't get the message.. I mean you give them all the possible hints.. But no! Talk about selective dumbness..
Anyway, I was just thinking how times change.. I know, I know, really cliched ain't it? But seriously there's still a reason as to why people introspect and retrospect so much right.. Sometimes you start liking the people you detested previously or then hating the people you actually loved once upon a time.. As for me, I seem to be an expert at this 'love-hate' thing.. When I'm absolutely disgusted about something or just totally mad at someone, I go to the extremes.. There is unfortunately, no in between.. But then that's how it used to be.. I'm talking about change remember? Life does eventually end up teaching you a lot, doesn't it? Where it's not just black or white, there's always that grey patch you most conveniently choose to ignore.. Today when I look back.. Ha ha.. Don't even get me started...
You know what, we always thought poison, blades and fire were dangerous.. Add the following to the list then.. Misunderstanding, miscommunication and misinterpretation.. they may not sound as evil in the beginning.. But I'm warning you.. These three M's can do a lot of harm.. Oh and when all three of them decide to hit you in unison, God help you!
The people who know me, know what I'm talking about.. And for the ones who don't know me, I think they'll understand it even better.. It's amazing how things seem so much better when its 'happy realisation' time and you stop taking all the crap people throw at you.. That too people who do not have any direct relevance to your life, but still love to mess up other people's lives cause of their dire need to go 'get a life'.. See what I mean? (Man, what was I thinking!) And you finally decide to be the bigger person at heart, the saner mature one and let the dogs continue barking.. I have so much to say about various situations I was involved in and the specific roles people played in the past, especially one in particular.. Haven't you often felt that songs convey all that you have to say.. At this time and point in life, it definitely holds true for me.. So here go the lyrics of the song..
This is indeed dedicated to that person who I've never shared a stable equation with, but who has nevertheless helped me grow manifold as a person, and not to forget, made me much much stronger.. No, I don't regret anything.. But people may influence you, no one tells me what to do!
I Will Survive...
At first I was afraid, I was petrified. I kept thinking I could never live, without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights, just thinking how you'd done me wrong. I grew strong, I learned how to get along.
And so you're back from outer space. I just walked in to find you here, without that look upon your face. I should have changed my lock. I would have made you leave your key if I'd have known for just one second, you'd be back to bother me.
Oh now go, walk out the door. Just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh not I.
I will survive. As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give. I will survive. I will survive.
It took all the strength I had just not to fall apart. I'm trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart. And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry. But now I hold my head up high. And you'll see me with somebody new. I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you. And so you thought you'd just drop by, and you expect me to be free. But now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me.
Oh now go, walk out the door. Just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh not I. I will survive. As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give. I will survive. I will survive.
:) Peace...

Hmmm...

There... After all the procrastination... I'm finally a victim of 'blogomania'! A new pass time, a new addiction, a new means to vent my anger, a new place for my emotional outbursts, a new way of looking at things, a new platform to voice my opinion or then, a completely new thought process.. I have no idea what this is going to be.. But whatever it is... It's still me.
It took me a lot, trust me, a lot, to get started. I mean I found the entire concept so vague. Why would I in my right senses want the whole world to know how I'm feeling right now or what I'm thinking of at this very moment. But then, why not? To start with, I'm not going to write about how I mended my broken heart or my opinion on the latest political development. I have nothing against either, but neither is my inspiration or motive to start blogging. As of now, I'm just torn between choices, make that priorities. What, when, why and how? If only I knew...
It's amazing how the people you think you can actually count on end up being the ones who let you down. No, don't worry, I'm not getting negative in here. On the contrary, I feel like laughing at myself. Call it wrong judgement, disguised influence or plain stupidity, I've kind of mastered the act of fooling myself into the 'right' kind of people for me. Has the definition of trust changed these days by any chance?
Another thing, now if you know how to do this, please please please do let me know ok. Live without expectation. Impossible right? I mean isn't it human tendency that when you give something, you expect something in return? But I just realised that if I can handle this herculean task, I can probably conquer the world! Maybe being a little selfish is the only solution.
Isn't it ironic that sometimes there's absolutely nothing to do and sometimes everything at once! Actually I'm currently stuck in quite a similar situation. A little too much work, headed in opposite directions, risking friendships and relationships, trying to keep prior commitments while discovering something new, perhaps making the mistake of mixing the the personal with the professional, and oh yes, how can I forget, 'trusting' and 'expecting' a little too much... More? Maybe later..